Months of Misery

I am 28 weeks and 2 days pregnant. The way I feel right now isn't the way I felt a few hours ago. A few hours ago I was bored but pretty content for the most part. Right now, I feel like trash. I'm tired, sore, and huge. I know it's only going to get worse so that just adds to my misery. I feel unattractive, unappreciated, and most of all, uncomfortable. I hate feeling like this. Don't get me wrong, I know pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful and an amazing feeling. It is a privilege. And that's true. But you can't help the way you feel sometimes, especially if you are 4'11" with a baby growing inside of you that is probably already half of your height. Not to mention the pelvic bone separating, acid reflux, a broken nose, and the stress pimple that looks like herpes on your top lip coming out. I am miserable. I am going to a baby shower for 100 Army wives in two days and I will be the one with acne and a broken, bruised nose. I do NOT feel attractive. Its especially disappointing when not even an hour ago shaving my legs I realized that I just can't do it anymore. My belly is too big. Too big. As a mom to be in my very early 20s, I am having a pretty big issue with my weight. I feel that if I was taller I wouldn't be so upset over it because it would have more area to distribute over. Unfortunately I am not one of the lucky ones with long, sexy legs! Guess I gotta just deal with it and drive on.

Anyway, this blog isn't supposed to be about me being miserable. It is supposed to be about R and I making educated, informed decisions for our family and new little girl expected to arrive in December. I cannot wait until M is here, though I am feeling pretty stressed out about it all lately. I am scared to be a mom. I don't really know if I'm ready for it. I guess I have to be though, and I have to be FAST. Within the next couple of weeks, less than 9 to be exact, R and I are uprooting ourselves yet again. He is getting out of the Army and we are headed back to New England forever. We are currently stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. We have made a home for ourselves here - with two crazy cats and a hyper dog - who all happen to pick up on the changing of "mom". The way that my animals have been acting has been an adjustment for me in itself. Guess I better get used to it! We will be moving about 20 hours away back to our hometown in little Rhode Island when I am 37 weeks, which just happen to be the week of Thanksgiving.

R and I are planning on cloth diapering. We will be co-sleeping, baby-wearing, EBF, and all organic when the baby comes. I love that we share the same taste when it comes to life decisions. We truly were made for each other. We plan on an all-natural childbirth without the use of any drugs, for me or for baby M. We are refusing any and all vaccinations, even the eye goop! Feel free to follow us on the journey to... "CRUNCHY" (Rs new favorite word and the reason that the blog is called the Granola Trail (; )